 Over the course of the 2017-2018 academic year the branch manager of the O’Neill Library established a Social Justice Book Club. Once a month readers met to discuss a work on a certain topic of social justice -- on women’s rights we read Difficult Women by Roxanne Gay; on indigenous peoples’ rights we read You Don’t Have to Say You Love Me by Sherman Alexie; on environmental issues we read Barbara Kingsolver’s Flight Behavior. And, for trying to make sense of how we come together as a community, we read Tribe by Sebastian Junger.
The group took a break for the summer and reconvened in October to discuss Evicted by Matthew Desmond which I have written about here. I really enjoyed the discussion and was saddened to learn it would be our last. Our branch manager announced her upcoming relocation and said the group would be on pause, possibly permanently. Before we left the library that evening though, she offered us a parting gift: the would-have-been Social Justice Book Club read for November: Reading with Patrick by Michelle Kuo. Simply put, it is a memoir of an Asian-American woman’s friendship with one student she met during her work with Teach for America in the Arkansas Delta. But a simple skimming of the “Author’s Note” and “Acknowledgments” section at the back will assure the reader that this is also part history, part sociology, part spiritual journey and part letter to those we love most in life. Kuo walks the reader through complicated issues -- the long-lasting effects of slavery, segregation, poor education, depressed communities, drug use and violence, incarceration and inequitable access to medical care -- and shows how personal relationships and attention to education and writing in particular can lift a soul that otherwise feels hopeless. While working at an alternative school ironically called Stars (now closed) where teachers sent the “bad kids”, Kuo chronicles many false starts in her attempts to reach her students, to motivate them to first, show up for school and then, take it seriously. We rejoice with her when she finally identifies young adult writers who speak to the students personally and urge them to focus, including Jacqueline Woodson -- whose Brown Girl Dreaming we read for the Tipsy Mamas’ Book Club this month. As confidently as Woodson praises teachers from her youth for encouraging her and shaping her into the writer she grew to be, Kuo expresses intense doubt for a teacher’s ability to produce long-lasting change in the lives of her students. Kuo develops a friendship with Patrick Browning in particular, a student who repeatedly needs encouragement to continue to come to school each day. After Kuo completes her work with Teach for America and returns to her alma mater Harvard for law school, Patrick drops out for good, and Kuo blames herself. A recent graduate once more and on her way to a new job in public interest law in California, she detours back to the Delta when she learns Patrick is in jail for killing someone. She visits Patrick frequently in jail, staying nearby for almost the course of a year in order to mentor him. She encourages his education, and she assists in decreasing his sentence from murder to manslaughter. Above all, they read and write together, and he hones his skills as a letter-writer. As a reader, I am grateful for their connection so that I could read his work which reads like poetry and encourages the soul to dream. Go read it, and enjoy the beautiful connection that forms when two very different people are able to teach each other. I felt this culminated in a conversation between them when Patrick, of deep faith, confessed that he didn’t remember what happened on Easter. Kuo, of little faith, had some exposure to Christianity and was able to share the story with him, as well as a humbling experience with a prayer group in her past. She writes: “I told Patrick all this. He was listening, concentrating. He wanted me to believe in God. And he was happy to hear me explain Easter. It meant something to him that I knew the story. And this in turn made the story mean something to me.” (236) Through what other stories could we learn more about each other? The departing branch manager in those last few minutes at that last meeting dictated titles for further reading -- books in different categories -- that she was nearly bursting to discuss. I wrote them down. And I leave them as recommendations to you here. Class Inequality: Heartland by Sarah Smarsh Nickel and Dimed by Barbara Ehrenreich Prison Industry: The New Jim Crow by Michelle Alexander The Sun Does Shine by Anthony Ray Hinton Who does culture and history belong to? The Feather Thief by Kirk Wallace Johnson The Dinosaur Artist by Paige Williams Intersection of race and feminism: Eloquent Rage by Brittney Cooper This Will Be My Undoing by Morgan Jerkins I’m Still Here by Austin Channing Brown Rage Becomes Her by Soraya Chemaly
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Kindness has been a theme of several conversations this fall -- from day one of our family devotions to discussions at my church moms’ group to our lessons at the Tigers Christian Club. Our journey through Susan Hunt’s My ABC Bible Verses began at the letter A with the verse: “A soft answer turns away wrath.” (Proverbs 15:1) We were enthusiastic on that first day. We said the verse several times as a family and even added hand motions to help us remember the words. For “a soft answer” we used one hand to pet the other hand, as if you were holding a rabbit or other soft, small animal. For “turns away” we would turn to look behind us, hands still raised a little so we could turn back around as we said “wrath” and show fingers curled into claws as we hissed the last word....and then giggled a bit. Several weeks later as part of our study through Shaunti Feldhahn’s book The Kindness Challenge, my moms’ group discussed another Proverb: “Kind words are like honey -- sweet to the soul and healthy for the body.” (Proverbs 16:24, NLT) Feldhahn challenged us to think about how negative we were in our daily interactions with others. She charged us to pick one person and for thirty days do these three things:
I definitely saw improvement in the relationship I identified for the task -- so much improvement actually that others in my house started getting jealous of what they interpreted as me giving one person the special treatment! “Never underestimate kindness,” a woman shared several years back at an event for the Cabrini Green Legal Aid Clinic in Chicago. I remember thinking her message was so simple, but now after spending about a semester’s worth of time looking at the issue, I wonder, how often are we kind? For me, it’s the feeling of being rushed, of not having enough time that crowds out the patience it takes both to notice the little things and to praise them. If I can remember to slow down, kindness becomes easier. But why should we bother? Is it that important? Feldhahn used the illustration from Proverbs, comparing kindness to honey. She explained that the ancient Israelites used honey not only for a sweetener but for medicinal purposes as well. One of my small group members who works as a nurse piped up and shared that the wound nurse occasionally will use a product called Medihoney to treat patients. Another mom shared she had just applied honey directly to a finger wound and felt the relief almost immediately. So that’s honey. Amazing, right? But what does it mean for kindness to be “sweet to the soul and healthy for the body”? As part of the Kindness Challenge, we had to leave negativity behind -- even removing it from our thoughts if possible -- and replace it with kindness in the form of praise. A few weeks ago I had the chance to share this lesson with the Tigers Christian Club as part of our series on honor. After acting out the story of Haman from the book of Esther, we talked about how boasting is dishonoring. Then, two of the kids read the Bible verses for the day. The first read this: “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.” (Philippians 2:3-4, NIV) Then I asked, how do we do that? How do we look to the interests of others? A second kid read this verse: “Kind words are like honey -- sweet to the soul and healthy for the body.” (Proverbs 16:24, NLT) We then moved to the craft tables where we glued Honeycomb cereal onto pictures of beehives to remember to use kind words to build others up, to honor them and to make them feel special. When they were finished with the craft though, I still wanted to show them how kindness can improve relationships (as Feldhahn stakes), how kindness can literally drive away the boasting and other dishonoring words that hurt others. With the kids in a circle around me I poured water onto a dinner plate, filling it nearly to the rim -- at which point the kids screamed for me to stop at the risk of spilling! “This beautiful, clean water represents your friendship with someone,” I explained. “Why is boasting wrong?” I then asked. “I’m going to show you.” I sprinkled pepper onto the water at which point all the kids groaned. Our display was clearly ugly now. “Boasting is like adding pepper to a friendship. It makes the friendship unpleasant like this pepper does to the water.” “Can we fix this?” I asked. “Today we learned about a secret ingredient that makes the boasting and all other hurtful words go away. That secret ingredient is honor, and today we talked about honoring each other by using kind words to make others feel special.” Then I had my daughter dip her finger in a clear substance and touch the water along the rim of the plate. The pepper responded by quickly retreating to the far side of the plate. All of the kids (and parents) gasped and then took turns asking “how did you do that?” “Does anyone know what the secret ingredient was?” I asked. “Oil?” “Vinegar?” “Honey?” I smiled at the suggestion of honey, and then a mom guessed, “Detergent!” “Yes,” I said, “it was soap!” I gave them a brief explanation of the scientific reason behind the demonstration: how pepper is hydrophobic so it rests on the top of the water and how when soap breaks the surface tension of the water, the water contracts away from the soap, attempting to stabilize the surface tension and as a side effect, draws the pepper with it. I then passed out homemade honeycomb soap and honey candies to the kids to remind them that indeed: “Kind words are like honey -- sweet to the soul and healthy for the body.” (Proverbs 16:24, NLT)  **A special thanks to the mom who tipped me off to the melt and pour clear glycerin soap available at Michaels for purposes like these!
At the end of all of this, what have we learned? Kindness works. It’s also work! But perhaps with repeated small practices, as with hand-washing, it will get easier and more routine with time. For the past couple of years I have listened intently as parents around me shared their desire to serve their community, and to help in a way that included their own children and taught them the importance of service. “It’s hard with young children,” one remarked. “How do you explain what it means to be hungry, really hungry and not just hungry because it’s been an hour since your last snack, you know?” In my own home I use a language of denial all the time with my kids, as in, no, you don’t really need that. That’s junk food. That toy can go on your Christmas list. I have to think about what our whole family needs, not only the particular desire of one child. If we run out of something I will put it on the shopping list and you might have to wait a week to have that food again. So how do you explain that others are in need? At our house we talk about money and how we always have enough to buy food and clothing and the things we need to live. We even have money leftover for special treats and vacations. We explain that others sometimes run out of money before the next paycheck comes, or maybe they lost jobs and don’t have a paycheck. The bottom line: We have more than we need. So we will help. But where do you start? How can we help? Back in high school I was required to fulfill a community service requirement as part of the National Honor Society. And back then, I had no idea how to serve my community. As I listened to a fellow classmate share ideas for ways to serve, I found myself embarrassed by the fact that I didn’t know there were those in need right in my community. I thought the needy lived in foreign countries and you sent checks to provide food, clothing and medicine. And today in my adult life, even just last month a woman from a Boston suburb shared with me that she wondered how to serve her community when everyone basically has enough to eat, has pretty much the same material possessions. I felt myself bursting to share about the inequities in our communities and the amazing assistance programs that seek to fill the gaps. The Cambridge Public Schools, for example, try to balance classrooms with kids who qualify for free or reduced price lunch and those who do not. Officials have told us that a significant portion of the student population relies on school breakfasts and lunches for the majority of their daily calories. Beyond school meals, the schools have also contracted with Food For Free which provides supplemental food for weekend consumption to kids in need through their Weekend Backpack Program. Food For Free also serves by delivering produce, meat and groceries to several of the public schools once a month for free distribution to the school community at their monthly markets. In 2017 this organization distributed 2 million pounds of food to over 100 organizations in the Boston area, helping to feed 30,000 people. There is clearly a need for service to our community and actually, as a Cambridge parent, the frequent requests for help can get a little overwhelming! So where to begin? When I speak with other concerned parents, they want to get involved but are afraid -- as in any area of their lives -- of over-committing themselves. Also, they want to choose a focus with the biggest impact. What do you focus on? May I suggest three simple things that have connected me to the community and added purpose to my life:
 Thank you to the Red Lion restaurant and bar in Vail Village, Colorado for serving us beer as we read the newspaper ad for puppies. Thank you to the Vail Daily for running the ad for the breeder of English Goldens in Utah. Thank you to the breeder for delivering her and taking care of her for the first eleven weeks of her life. Thank you to Delta Airlines who carried her to us from Utah to Chicago. Thank you to the baggage handlers who waited with her in the cargo area when we were late (as the sudden realization of the commitment we were making to become a family caused us to construct her crate incorrectly). Thank you to my parents for re-constructing the crate so it was usable when we arrived home with our puppy. Thank you to the creators of the squeaky plush bone and the squeaky tennis balls that she loved to play with. Thank you to the creators of Dog Beach in Chicago where we could enjoy the sand with our skittish puppy. Thank you to the strong plumbing in the condo that could withstand the bucketfuls of sand that fell off as we washed her in the shower afterwards. Thank you to the various West Loop sports bars owners who let our dog sit with us at an outside table while we dined. Thank you to the City of Chicago for beautiful Skinner Park and the friends we made as our dogs played there. Thank you to the owners of the hotel in nowhere Nebraska for not kicking us out for bringing a dog in when we had to take shelter from the storm on the way to Colorado. Thank you to my parents for watching her in Colorado while we were on a visit to Taos, delayed by another storm in Leadville on the way back. Thank you to my father for teaching her how to play Frisbee and to both of my parents for taking care of her while we were in Australia for a month. Thank you to our landlord in Cambridgeport who allowed dogs. Thank you to City of Cambridge for providing Fresh Pond -- the best off-leash area ever. Thank you to my resident during internship who gave me the afternoon off, giving us a chance to teach her how to swim at the dog beach at Fresh Pond. Thank you for the owners of the Best Western in Franconia, NH for allowing dogs so she could come hiking with us in the White Mountains. Thank you to all of the children who have come through our house, starting with our own, for teaching her how to love them. Thank you to my in-laws for giving her walk-filled and at times lengthy vacations in Maine. Thank you to all extended family members who welcomed her and took care of her, especially my sister-in-law who was her favorite. Thank you for several winters of heavy snow that emboldened her and made her exceedingly joyful. Thank you to the veterinary teams who treated her when she got sick. Thank you to my parents who nursed her in her last days. Thank you to God for creating such a gentle, athletic and loyal companion, with ears as soft as silk which I held onto until the end, and after. And above all, thank you to my husband, who is the best father any dog or child could know, who took her to play Frisbee almost every night of her life, and who purchased her in the first place as a gift to me when I was far from home and in desperate need of cheer. She was our first child, and we will always love her.  Sanibel
May 17, 2008 - November 9, 2018 |