 Upon returning from Christmas travel this year I noted the abrupt ending to that feeling of expectation that had boosted my attitude this past season -- for end of year activities, travel and Christmas morning. Then, except for one or two New Year’s cards, the mail slowed dramatically. On January 6th I packed up the Christmas decorations and noticed stark empty spaces. The “Top Christian Christmas Hits” Spotify playlist I had been enjoying defaulted to “Top Christian Hits” with little warning and no way to recover the previous list. All of this left a void and made me want to curl up and hibernate for the rest of the gray winter. During those early days in the new year when we traditionally think of making new year’s resolutions, I too spent time reflecting on what I would like to change in this next season. I was discouraged to discover that my list was quite similar to the one I made in the fall when I wrote about sending my kids off to school for the first time. While I had kept many commitments, like taking the kids to their activities, reading for book clubs, singing in the Christmas Benefit Concert and volunteering for school and community groups, I had failed to carve out consistent time for other pursuits -- in particular, writing and exercise.
This realization made me at first want to cease outside commitments for a season and just focus on my personal goals. Between the post-holiday crash and the lull of winter, where would I find the energy to continue with all of the resolutions I had made in the fall? Maybe it was our hot water heater breaking and half-flooding the basement that pushed me to my limit. Or maybe it was after that trip to the grocery store during which I was unable to use clipped coupons due to a software change at the corporate level. I struggled over the phone with the plumber and manufacturer to understand what had happened to our hot water heater and how best to fix it. And I struggled to compose a not-too-lengthy but strong letter to the grocery store manager in which I suggested changes to the system to enable customers to use coupons with ease. I described how on that visit in particular I was purchasing not only food for my family of six but also 188 extra snacks and dinners to be delivered to others that week -- for school classrooms, for our Tigers Christian Club and for my contribution through Community Cooks. Clipping coupons was essential for making each dollar stretch as far as possible. What did I do with all of this frustration? Well, like many others needing to escape, I found myself at an open house for my dream home in the suburbs. I stood outside the new construction admiring its position on a corner lot and the inviting yellow door that beckoned me inside. I stepped over the threshold and felt at home at once. I toured slowly through each room finding everything placed exactly where it should be. I breathed in the newness around me and began asking “what if”. What if we could just start over? What if we had more space? What if I could just put commitments down for a little while? What if I could find rest here? I started at the house for a few minutes more before climbing into my car and driving away, knowing I would never see it again. A move right now wouldn’t make any sense, and buying into that house would be a poor financial decision for us. I cried about it for a few days and brainstormed healthier ways to boost my energy level. Fortunately, before that Christmas Spotify playlist changed on me, I had a chance to note the lyrics to a song that captured my ear and attention one afternoon when I was methodically folding laundry. Savor these words from Hillsong Worship’s song Seasons (and seek it out on Spotify if you have a moment): You’re the God of seasons I’m just in the winter If all I know of harvest Is that it’s worth my patience Then if You’re not done working God I’m not done waiting You can see my promise Even in the winter The words said to me, “You are not alone.” Others, like the song writers, have been there too. This is a recognized season to endure with patience and a reminder to call out to God for strength when I feel like I can’t do it on my own. Since then I have asked for help from friends with certain activities and am going to try out a new scheme for after-school activities that could give my kids more one-on-one time with me. I am going to work to protect the time I carved out for writing and exercise. But, while I was tempted to put some down, I am going to keep the commitments to volunteer work that I signed up for in the fall. The reality is, people don’t hibernate. The groups that distribute food will continue to need it, and I need to continue to provide it. This is my new year’s resolution, with God’s help, one day at a time, “being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion” (Philippians 1:6). Enjoy the rest of the lyrics to Seasons below: Seasons Words and Music by Chris Davenport, Benjamin Hastings & Ben Tan VERSE 1 Like the frost on a rose Winter comes for us all Oh how nature acquaints us With the nature of patience Like a seed in the snow I’ve been buried to grow For Your promise is loyal From seed to sequoia PRE-CHORUS I know CHORUS Though the winter is long even richer The harvest it brings Though my waiting prolongs even greater Your promise for me like a seed I believe that my season will come VERSE 2 Lord I think of Your love Like the low winter sun As I gaze I am blinded In the light of Your brightness Like a fire to the snow I’m renewed in Your warmth Melt the ice of this wild soul Till the barren is beautiful BRIDGE I can see the promise I can see the future You’re the God of seasons I’m just in the winter If all I know of harvest Is that it’s worth my patience Then if You’re not done working God I’m not done waiting You can see my promise Even in the winter Cause You’re the God of greatness Even in a manger For all I know of seasons Is that You take Your time You could have saved us in a second Instead You sent a child TAG And when I finally see my tree Still I believe there’s a season to come VERSE 3 Like a seed You were sown For the sake of us all From Bethlehem’s soil Grew Calvary’s sequoia
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